the shadi series #7: shadi dress code

Okay, so not excatly part of the shadi series, but this is one look i wanted to share! The kurta was picked by my mother, and was part of a standard scheme of all us cousins. Only the karhai kaam was different in each.
The scheme was as follows:
Brothers: Black kurta with golden brown stole
Chachas: White kurta with off-white stole
Father: Light brows kurta with a little darker brown stole

shadi series #6: nikkah and rukhsati

Yesterday, my cousin had her nikkah read. She then became officially the wife.. a landmark moment in anyones life.

The day began with the usual complications, my car was at the garage and i didnt get it back till 7! That put me off by 1.5 hours already in my plans, which included getting new shoes on the way too. After getting my car back, we (me and my bro) finally left home, stopped over at EBH tariq road, and bought two pairs of shoes in record time! then went off to PNS Karsaz to get transport for the evening. This night, we had arranged for two coasters, courtesy of PNS Karsaz and Bahadur. Already running about 1/2 hour late, the three vehicles literally ‘burned rubber’ on the way back to my nanis.

Then we changed, which means just put on our kurtas.. had done the rest of the getting ready at home while waiting for the car to get back, and joined the others just before they started shouting at us. Whew! the first thing on my mind was.. saved! Now comes the irony, having run through everything to get there on time, i was then made to stay back and wait for the local masjid molvi to arrive, so he could come and read the nikkah, while the others made their way to the hall. I ended up waiting a further half hour!! Ironic no?!

We picked up the molvi, and rode to the hall, where YET another problem awaited me…. it was RAINING!!!!!!! well, not excatly, but drizzling quite heavily, and we couldnt sit outside. The decorator had planned for an open air hall, since it used to be quite hot.. so much for that. The whole outside was renderred useless, and we were all huddled inside the brides ready room, trying to wait it out. I think someone must be praying right then (no, i know everyone was praying right then) and god must’ve listened, because just 10 minutes before the baraat was scheduled to arrive, it stopped raining! My cousin is very lucky mashallah!! As soon as it stopped, everyone filed outside thankfully that the wedding could be gotten on with.

The baraat arrived, and it was then that i heard for the first time of a rasm called doodh pillai. Where the groom is given a glass of milk by the brides brother to give him energy or something, and then an inaam is passed on. Its sort of like the joota chuppai rasm, but the proceeds are divided between the guys. As soon as the grooms family started up the stairs to the hall, us 5 cousins setup a roadblock in front of the gate and started the doodh-pillai. Then wanted our loot before we would let them proceed. LoL! felt like a pirate or something right there! haha. We managed to get almost 10k out of them this time, divided among 7 brother-cousins. Then we went on to badger our female cousins as they had managed to get about 7k for the joota chupai divided among 7 sister-cousins. LoL.

After receiving our loot, we let them through, and the nikkah ceremonies started. I kept on the outstirkts of it, since i was delegated the responsibility of being the official greeter. I had to stand at the entrance, smile and welcome everyone who came in. Now that was an experience in itself! Since i knew only about 0.5% of the people who came by name and another 1% of people by face. But had to greet everyone as if i grew up with them as chaddi friends. LoL! oh, and this was also the best place to single out any cool chick i’d wanna be fixing my eyes on in for the rest of the night. hahaha. Sadly though, no one caught it..

After that came the food and the photo-sessions. Food consisted of (and i know suga would be eagerly awaiting this part of the post.. so heres for you suga) Green Chicken, Chicken karhai, Biryani, Seekh Kababs, Fresh nan and taftan. For dessert there was pudding and kulfi. Yummy!

Oh, we also had a live band over there, in addition to the music system! Courtesy of PNS Bahadur Band School, and they were good! theres something really different about having live music, that too with actual (i mean non-electrical) instruments.
The band and the music system alternated after each track, and the effect was awesome!

After dinner, there were more photo sessions, till around 2 AM when finally the rukhsati took place. It started with the bride and groom walking down the pathway, to the phool covered car, surrounded by immediate family. The brother(s) of the bride carry a koran over her head, and all of us alternated in that. Along with that, began the waterworks! First off, the brides sister burst into tears since it was official her sister, with whom shes shared everything, was now leaving. Then her mother followed…. the rest remained strong till she was seated in the car, and they had said good byes, that they allowed tears to flow freely.

Its always a strange feeling at rukhsati, where half the crowd is deliriously happy, since they’ll be getting a new family member, while the other side is so sad and depressed since their cherished daughter is leaving.

But the night was not yet over! oh no… someone suggested we go to the brides house for some reason! I still cannot fathom the reason *why*!! So anyway, we all went back to my nanis in the coasters, then from there took our individual cars, and sped off 20 kms away to her susral! Stayed there for 5 minutes top.. i managed to check out what her new room looked like though. That was good. As during the ride, i had to take my car as well.. given its situtation, how could it be that it should’ve gotten there without incident?! My brother was driving it, and the car gave way half-way though the journey. It was a miracle how he managed to bring it to the susral, but somehow he did, and thats where we left it for the night. Came back home with my mother. More on the post “damn you!!“.

the shadi series #5: mehndi

and it finally came! the mehndi was held yesterday night, and overall.. it was GOOD!!

The day started (for me) at around 6 after i left work. As soon as i was out of the building, i was called up by my mamu asking if the transport that we had arranged for them could be made available by 8 at their place instead of the 8:30 originally decided. I made a few calls… and set it up. Then went over to my nani’s where i was immediately put to task to bring my other momani from the parlour (typical shadi work.. being the transporter lol). Then went off to get the transport, and came back prompty at 7:59 with it. But dissapointment awaited me, as people were not ready :@ grr! made me really mad!! anyway, after spending the next hour trying to get everyone ready and out of the house.. we finally made it out and to the hall by 9:15.
And now for another shock… the music guys didnt have a CD player!! and all the dance routines we had prepared were on CDs. Me and two cousins of mine rushed back home to get our own CD player and came back in about half hour with it. Finally got the music running. yaayy!

Then came the rasms… which went on for about an hour or so… with both the bridge and groom having seperate ceremonies. That ended with a variation of the ‘dhulay kay jootay chupao’ tradition.. our variation being holding the hand of the groom, and demanded money before we released it. Our demands started off at 50k. Their side of the negotiation started from just 5, thats right… Rs 5!!! So the shouting, cajoling and negotiations started and the final figure we came down to was 5k. This we had to take, since we were running out of time. Then came the most anticipated part of the night… the dances!

The grooms side started of with a dandya number with 5 girls. It was good… then we came in with a number to the song “jai jai shiv shankar” which had 6 boys and 6 girls in it. They responded with this really llllooooonnnggggg medley (almost was about 20 minutes) by the end of which we were shouting ‘buss karo! jaan choro’. Our next number was a small medley by 6 girl cousins, carried off quite well after 6 days of continous practice… their next number was by a couple… we responded by yet another medley, this time by 4 girls and 4 boys. At this time, dinner was served and it became sort of an during dinner entertainment. There were about 6 more numbers after this, before us cousins finally breaked off for having dinner too.

Note: im sorry this sounds so vague, but i just cannot rem the names of the songs :S. i rem shiv shanker, cuz i was also dancing in it. lol!

Back to the description, dinner was kind of okay. The best part being the chicken korma and fresh nan. Other things on the menu were behari boti, kachoris and pullao. After dinner though… we still werent done with the dances and it continued on till around 2 AM! It was very good and very entertaining with some dances really well thought out. Left the hall around 2:30 AM.

There was this one point which kept coming up, as the difference between both groups. Our side had practiced on coordinated dances while the other side were more focused on dramatizations. We had one rule, that all dances were to be kept decent with not even any small vulgar movements allowed. Their side, however, had no such rule, and their dances included couple dances, huggings and so forth. I think they stopped just short of kissing on stage. A bit too influenced by bollywood i would say. That was the only sour point in the whole affair, atleast from our side.

the shadi series #4: dance prepration – day 3 and 4

Nothing major to write about.. sadly. Except that we’re now *not* doing the rangeen dramatization routine… since there are just not that many of us! It required three couples to complete.. and we managed to get only two who were ready for it. So now, thats a bust.

My cousins got their routines right.. i think we’ve got around 10 routines from our side, and expecting about 10 from the grooms side (thats the cap agreed up, due to time constraints). Started up two new dance routines today as well. One with two girls and one with 5 boys and 5 girls on ‘dholi taro’. Im so bad at remembering the names of the songs!!!

We had the perfect day today.. it rained a little. I’ve blogged about it on KMB, so read it up there. However, my mood went down the dump today after the rain… since theres this girl (when isnt there… LoL), a friend of the cousin getting married, who for some reason.. TOTALLY ignores me! Its not that i wanna get to know her or anything.. but it gets to me as to why she does that!! But anyway, its just three more functions, then i prolly wont be seeing much of her anyway… so to hell with that. Oh, and sleep depravation finally caught up with me i guess.. hence my crappy mood.

Tomorrows the mehndi! yippee! Stay tuned for post #5 of this series….

the shadi series #3: milad / mayon / ghazal nite

We celebrated the mayon rasm of my cousin K on the 2nd of this month. For the uninitiated, mayon is a rasm in which the prospective dulhan is rubbed with ubtan by all the ladies in the house and given duas. After this time, till the mehndi, the prospective bride is supposed to be her holiest period when she should pray for the good life after her marriage and husband. It is said that any dua a girl in mayon does is instantly granted! (I gave her a whole list of my dua’s. LoL). Also, the bride is not supposed to come under the open sky, less she be tainted by the evil spirits which lurk around. Now various families have different rituals, where they keep the bride away from all male contact, some even keep her away from any human contact an so forth. Ours is a bit open, so she was only not allowed to come under the open sky, other things were open.

After the mayon rasm, we had dinner which was followed by a Ghazal evening organized by my mamoo’s. The singer, Rabia Kanwal, was pretty good and some of the ghazals were pretty hard hitting. There was also a dhamal which incited lots of dancing!. The ghazal came to an end around 2 AM.. after which us cousins decided to go on for a dance nite till the wee hours of the morning! It was so much fun.. with the whole family being pulled into the dance (free stlye bhangra). I came baq home at around 4 AM that night! Overall, it was good!

Stay tuned for the next post…. Dance preparation – day 3.

the shadi series #2: dance preparation – day 1 & 2

One of the biggest deals in marriage ceremonies in our family are the dance sequences at the time of mehndi. Also one of the most fun parts of the marriage (for the young lot) dance practices receive a lot of attention and is usually done with style.

But there’s a problem…. we dont know how to dance!?! just cant seem to make the moves, or even copy the ones we see on the various award shows etc. So wht to do now? On our side, we seeked salvation with a friend ‘S’ of my younger cousin U. (In no time, im gonna make an alphabet soup with all these references. LoL). Now this friend is also a controversial figure, as my cousin is really into her (and vice versa), the family knows about her relation with my cousin, but is giving a blind eye to it, due to the shaid. Wonder what’ll happen after it. Anyway, she comes in, with videos of previous mehndis, and starts instructing my cousins on the various dance moves. Although this girl is a good dancer, she is unfortunately, not a good teacher (as we’ve come to realize only later). So its been three days, and we’re still trying to figure out what to do… the day ends with practicing on 4 to 5 songs, the steps to which keep changing after every iteration.

Now on to day 2, one day after the mayon and two days before the actual mehndi, two new girls were called in (daughters of family friends of one of my mamoo), Now these two know how to dance! its a pity they hadnt been called earlier. The practice continued for about three hours, with the new girls giving vital input, and making the dance a little more fun to watch. Routines were practiced over and over… but yet.. no coordination could be found within the dancers. The problem, in my opinion, was that the dancers were more interested in having the music as loud as possible, and each trying to figure out on their own (without any visual or verbal cues) which moves to do next…. i tried putting a little sense in them, but they wouldnt listen, so they were on their own from there on in. My mom n a cousin then started preparing for their routine (which i had the pleasure to coach) and within 10 minutes, they had almost perfected it. (I was commended as being a good dance instructor.. yippee). Now waiting for day three.. when 6 of us will prepare a routine on Rangeen by Ali Zafar (the only local song in the whole program), which we plan, on making the high point of the whole function. I will be participating as well as coaching on it and intend to make it as good as i can. Wish i could post pictures, but since its a family thing…. i am bound.

Stay tuned for the next posts… #3 – Mayon and #4 – Dance Prepartion – Day 3!

the shadi series: jehz

a cousin of mine (lets call her K) is about to get married. Yayy! im really happy for her and her fiance and hope good things come their way.

This is a new series i’ll be doing writing on how the whole experience is going. Im a little late here, since the experience started off with the rishta followed by mangni followed by setting the dates followed by selecting the shadi venues followed by the dates and finally the cards. That part, i may write up on later.. but now.. lets start with whats on hand.

Jehz!! Dowry! Every daughters dream and a fathers nightmare(?). Even though im very against the whole dowry system (and thank goodness my mom is with me) each family does have its own traditions regarding it. For K’s parents, it was all they thought about during the last couple of decades apparently. Even K’s nani was amassing a collection to send her off with on her wedding day as well ever since K was born. This i found out while we were packing up the stuff and the related stories about each item came up.

I was called in to assist in packing, transfer and very soon setup of the dowry from K’s mehka to her susral. Heres an (approx) list of what it consists off (apart from jewellery)..

Television set, DVD player, microwave oven, toaster oven, hostess tray, kitchen utensils, 5 dinner sets (4 were imported), juicers/blenders and such, bedroom set (double bed, side tables, cupboard, dressing table).. and about 5 suitcases full of clothes, shoes and other necessities.

It took us about 5 hours to pack it all up.. and a pickup truck to transport it.. there was so much of it. Now im sure you must be thinking, dowrys nowadays consist of cars and banglows and such… but mine is a middle-class family, and in our circles, this is considered the height.

Even though to me, it looked like a waste… since i think the basic necessities of life are supposed to be provided by the husband and not the father.. yet, i have no objections if they wish to do it for their daughter.

Now the next task is to go and set it all up at the susral. Stay tuned for “protocol for celebrating the fiances birthday” followed by “mehndi preparation: dance sequences”